Obedience -- A Child's Job

When my insightful neighbor was teaching "The Family Is Of God" to the children in our ward, she focused their attention on the various roles of family members, as condensed from The Family:  A Proclamation To the World.  It was easy to pick out the roles of fathers and mothers, but when she asked, "What is the child's job?" the children drew a blank.  It's not explicitly mentioned in the song.

"A child's job is to obey," she explained. 

Obedience is the first law of heaven, and it's also the first lesson of the home.  Indeed, without obedience there cannot be any other lessons.

I have thought a lot about obedience, particularly as it relates to agency.

While many suggest that these principles are opposed, they actually belong together:  only with agency is obedience a possibility.

Without agency -- the ability to choose right over wrong -- correct actions are mere compliance. 

Don't misunderstand:  I appreciate compliance.  But compliance is limited.  Compliance focuses on the motions, but those motions may miss the meaning completely.  It is possible to comply with our hearts in the wrong place, which qualifies us for a lesser blessing -- or even for no blessing at all.  Does a plotting prisoner in a concentration camp obey each time he falls into line, parrots a mantra or puts his head down to save his life?  Can a child who is encouraged to share a toy with another qualify for the full blessing if he gives with a slap and a dirty look, following up with unkindness later?  Despite his compliance, he has not obeyed.

Obedience, motivated by love, is not blind.  True obedience is a gift that requires the proper use of agency.  True obedience means deliberately choosing compliance of action with a willing heart.

Is obedience easy to teach?  Consider the effectiveness of situations you know where parents insist that "as long as you live in my house, you will do things my way":  the stereotypically resentful children often comply "for now," but depart from the family's way as soon as they leave.  Situations like these are often cited as examples to elevate agency at the expense of obedience, but they have missed the point of both.

When we are obedient, we trust someone or something and are willing to choose to follow.  Those who would teach obedience have to be obedient themselves and their lessons must focus on more than mere compliant outcomes.  Teaching thus requires modeled obedience, thoughtful explanations and discipline that helps inspire changes in attitude as well as behavior.

Learning obedience is a child's job.  But whether we are young or old, each person can rise above compliance and choose to obey.


Photos from sxc.hu or by the author.